How to eat sushi

This is my advice. First, while at work daydream as much as possible about food, eat a light lunch and try and do as little actual work as possible. When your boss is not looking, try picking up things on your desk with a pair of chop sticks for practice. In the afternoon, make a personal call to your significant other and tell them that you are taking them out to eat tonight. After work, it is important to first make sure your children, if applicable, are fed and provided for.

Now then, point your car in the direction of the nearest sushi eating establishment. Drive fast. If you get a ticket, it's ok, it will be worth it. As you enter the establishment, look at the sushi chef and say in very clear words "Chow Sabadi Bau", then smile. He will smile back not having any idea about what you just said because he is neither Japanese nor Laotian. But he will think you actually may have a clue why you are there. Once you have his attention, ask him what is good today. If he says sea urchin, make an ugly face and find a seat quickly.

If it is your first time, order the squid salad and maybe the soy pods. You eat the soy pods by putting the entire thing in your mouth and pulling out the seeds. For your entrée, order a California Roll (vegetarian), Magura (raw tuna), and Eel and Cucumber (cooked).

First mix the soy sauce and wasabi (the green stuff), to taste, dip the morsel and place the entire thing in your mouth. Then close your eyes and experience the taste but also the complex textures of this wonderful food.

As you leave, put a couple of bucks in his tip jar. This is in addition to your server tip, and say politely; "Deolay Chow High". He won't know what this means either. If possible learn the chef's name and call him by name the next time you visit. There is an eighty percent chance his name will be Joe. If all this is done correctly you not only will have a great meal, but during your next visit you will appear to be very cosmopolitan.